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My Husband Never Wants to Do Anything With Me

My Husband Never Wants to Do Anything With Me

Often women complain that their husbands are reluctant to go outside with them and have stopped doing fun anymore.

Why does my husband never want to do anything with me? The most appropriate reason that your husband does not want to have fun with you is emotional detachment with you; the other possible reasons are:

  • Lack of sexual arousal 
  • Obsession with pornography 
  • Attraction towards other women
  • Boredom 
  • Health issues or fatigue

How to deal with a husband not wanting you?

When you are annoyed with your husband’s behavior, here are the things you should do:

1. Do not jump to Conclusions very Quickly

It is critical that you do not jump to any conclusion very quickly because it creates misunderstandings between couples. And you should not fight for nothing, right? So, therefore, we always suggest avoiding misunderstandings.

If your husband has an attitude change, stay positive and try to find something else that has changed his mood.

2. See if anything is disturbing him?

See if your husband is emotionally distressed. For example, is there something at work or his parents’ side disturbing him? Your husband may be struggling with some hidden issue, and he does not want to make you worried. Therefore he does not tell you what is going on in his life.

You can ask him politely, “I understand you are disturbed by something, and it is making me worried. If you share your problem with me, we will try to sort it out together. Also, it will help me understand your situation better.”

3. Make sure he is sexually satisfied

There are two sides to being sexually dissatisfied. One reason is when a spouse pays less attention to the other’s satisfaction, and the other reason is medical issues. So, first, see if there is something you are doing wrong in bed. Then, you can ask your husband what he likes more in the bed so that you can do it for him. 

Also, your husband may have lost his sexual urges. Losing sexual urges means he loses interest in women. Generally, it is rare to lose sexual urges; what happens is that a man gets too much obsessive with pornography making real sex lose its charm in his eyes.

4. Do you have a habit of yelling at little things?

I have seen several unhappy husbands who are annoyed with the yelling problem of their wives. It is right that you may get frustrated over things, and you want to spit out all the frustration but ask yourself, at what cost are you willing to do it? Can you afford to spoil your marital life for a momentary satisfaction? Obviously not, yelling seems not a big thing to you but making it a habit can cause repercussions in a marriage.

If you ever get a chance to yell at your hubby, take a break and think what it could bring to you? Would it solve the problem? If not, then it’s not worth it.

5. Spend Quality time with your husband

Are you spending quality time with your husband? Do you engage him in beautiful little activities at home? or are you both just scrolling on your phones and giving reactions to the third part? It is sad to waste such beautiful moments of your life that you can spend with your husband.

Emotional Detachment: Lack of interest from Spouse

We call it emotional abandonment when spouses lose interest in their partners. Rather than physically signing out of a relationship, a person checks out emotionally from their partner’s life.

It makes the other spouse wonder why this big change in attitude? Where did we go wrong?

There are several reasons for this behavior which we will discuss down the list. But before we jump into the reasons, let it be assured there will be pure self-accountability. 

Reasons for Emotional Detachment

1. Bad Behavior with Spouse

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Bonding in a marital agreement does not mean we are free to have any behavior with our spouses. Trust me; it is entirely the other way around. Marriage means we have to behave more carefully because it is no longer a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Now, we are a part of an institution from where our next generation has to stem. We cannot take it non-seriously as if it were just a date, and we have many options just in case. No, it demands a responsible attitude from both partners.

2. Putting in no Effort in the relation

We invest in everything we care about, let it be our job, friendships, and even our car. We take our car to mechanics for routine tuning because, without tuning, it will malfunction. Then why don’t we invest in our relationships? By investment, I mean putting efforts to make it healthier and flourishing. When was the last time you said “I love you” to your spouse? Did you hold your spouse’s hand the last time he/she was sad?

There are a million ways to make your relationship with your spouse stronger and healthier. It has to be an effortful relationship instead of an effortless relation.

3. Unforgiveness

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Emotional abandonment stems when one refuses to apologize for one’s mistakes. For example, if you have hurt your spouse and he or she has started acting normally after a certain time, it does not mean that he has forgiven you. He has it in his heart, and if the circumstances are repeated, things shall start piling up like a volcano that will burst at any moment. You may wonder why such a big reaction on a little thing, but it is not for that little moment. It is the consequence of a series of things that happened in the past, and you did not apologize for any of them.

Asking for an apology allows self-doubt and prevents from repeating similar mistakes. In addition, Apologizing prevents distaste from piling up in the heart.

4. Communication gaps

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Emotional detachment arises from communication gaps between spouses. When one fears the reaction of the other, things never get sorted out. Therefore, it is important to create an environment of trust; when one believes he would be heard and understood, one will share what is going on in one’s life. 

Signs your husband doesn’t love you

Before we jump into the signs, let me assure you that love is relative; at times, it gets blurred, while at other times, it is strong. Therefore, there is no need to worry if you end up with a conclusion that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Because losing love is a temporary state, and it can be restored by putting in some effort. 

“Love never dies; it only freezes some time.”

Also, it is possible that your husband loves you but shows the opposite signs as if he does not.

If we are on the same page at this clarity. We can move forward.

1. He is spending most of his time outside

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How does he spend most of his time? Is he intentionally living away from you? Finding answers to these questions will reveal if he has lost his interest in you.

See if:

  • He is spending most of his free time with his friends.
  • There are little occasions when both of you are in the same time and space (I mean together).
  • He is not interested in doing any fun activities outside. And he used to do those activities in the past. 

2. He shows a lack of interest in the conversations with you

When you try to have a conversation with him, and he seems to avoid elaborate answers, it shows he lacks interest in talking to you. But, it is important to make sure he was not under stress or busy when he tried to talk to him. Stressful people tend to be lonely and avoid talking too much. Anyhow, if stress is not the case, look for:

  • Your husband takes an interest in games and movies, but he seems less interested when it comes to talking to you.
  •  When you tell your husband about your daily experience or how you feel, he does not take interest.
  • When you contact him on the phone, he is always in a hurry.
  • He never initiates conversation.

3. He is not sharing his life anymore

Husband and wife are the closest partners, makings they share crucial things in their liver. Because sharing things with your partner gives a sense of relief. If your husband has stopped sharing about his life, it is a sign he has a sinking love for you. Look for these signs

  • He does not tell you about how he feels despite you asking him.
  • You feel that your husband does not exist even if he is right next to you.
  • Talking to him seems like talking to a wall.

4. He shows no affection at all

Remember your initial happy days of marriage? How did your husband show his love and affection to you? Maybe making coffee for you in the morning or showing care with his actions. According to Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, if he stops showing these things anymore, it means he has lost his love for you.

See if he is:

  • Not affectionate both physically and verbally.
  • Shows lack interest in sex.
  • His sexual activity is not connective or intimate.
  • He has forgotten to say “I love you” anymore.

Final Thought

Husbands can lose interest in their wives when their marital life gets intoxicated with bad attitudes. Therefore, it is a time to get worried and ready yourself to restore your happy relationship.